I’ve been wanting to write a post like this for a while now! Comparing what is has been like having one baby after having twins. I know a lot you have twins and have been on the fence having a third. 1. I know you are all afraid of having twins again. If you have fraternal twins then your odds are a lot higher having a second set than if you have identical twins. Our girls are identical so I knew there was still a change to have another set but I knew I wanted more kids so I was willing to have 4 if that’s what was in the cards for us! And 2. You have PTSD after having twins and don’t want to go through it again. Kidding. Kind of. Having twins in the newborn stage is really stressful, it’s constant and just a lot to manage. So I know a lot of you are just not wanting to have to go through it all over again.
Twins for my first pregnancy was good in a sense because I didn’t know anything different. It was just my normal. But now after having a singleton, I’m really seeing how much different it is! Like truly night and day. Also I think there are a lot of differences just because Owen’s a boy and has a much different temperament than the girls. So let’s talk about how it’s been with one babe.
Well the main thing that I’ve noticed is how much more attention I can give to Owen. Yes I am taking care of June and Violet too, but when I’m with Owen I am WITH Owen if that makes sense. When I’m holding him, I’m just holding him and not worrying about the “other” baby. When I’m changing his diaper I can spend a little extra time talking to him. After his bath I can put on some nice baby oil and give his legs a little massage! This is so funny to me because I used to get so many questions when the girls were little asking what baby products I used for their skin (lotion, oil etc.). But I rarely put anything on them because I never felt like I had time to. Once I gave one girl a bath, the next would be handed to me ready to go. Once I changed one, the other had to be changed. It was like a constant assembly line. Looking back now, it seems kinda sad in a way. It really was survival mode and just so much work. Of course there were times where we cuddled on the couch and times where I would be with just one baby, but it was just not as often.
Now with Owen I can breath a little more. I feel like I bonded with him quicker because it’s just him. With the twins I was always comparing. Violet does this more or June does that more. It wasn’t really like I ever was with one completely alone. I always would have the other in the back of my mind. It is a really hard thing to explain and you definitely get it if you have twins yourself. But again, at the time, it seemed totally normal.
It’s nice having the girls an age (they will be 3 in December) where they can play really well with each other and not need me 24/7 so that I can spend time with Owen. Newborns take up a lot of your time because you are feeding them so often. He also loves to be held! That’s another difference between him and the girls. I think this may be because he’s a boy, but he loves affection. June and Violet were much more independent even as babies. You could put them in their bouncer or swing and they could lay there for a long time. Unless Owen is asleep he needs to be talked to and looked at a lot!
Something else that’s different is with the girls I never had extra time to do much. It seemed like by the time they were both fed, burped, changed and put to the sleep the cycle would already be starting over again. When I have all three kids (which is most of the time) it’s definitely tricky to get things done. But those moments when it’s just me and Owen are magical! It is so special to spend some time with just him, just one baby. It’s like your brain can just relax and isn’t thinking about what you need to do for other baby at the same time. Or even when I would have both the girls propped up next to each other, I’d be with both of them so it’s just different than when you have one baby to focus on.
Okay as I’m typing this I’m feeling bad for my girls! It sounds kinda sad and I explain it all, but I’m trying to be real with you guys. If you do have newborn twins, just know it got a lot easier for me around the 6 month mark. And now they are so much fun and it’s really amazing seeing their special bond. Yes twins are so so much work but also very rewarding.
Something else that I noticed before Owen was born was how easy it is taking one baby out in public rather than two. Every now and then I just take June or Violet with me to run errands and boy is it lovely! So now I really appreciate taking him out solo and there is no guilt for leaving the other one at home haha. With one baby you can just hold the car seat or wrap them on you. With twins you need a second set of hands or you have to bring the double stroller. I used to grocery shop with our stroller when the girls were younger. I’d just stuff all the groceries in the bottom area of the stroller!
So I think you get it! Having one baby after twins has been eye opening. Less stress and more time to enjoy all things newborn. If you are on the fence to have more kids I would say to do it. But keep in mind that it’s really challenging taking care of all three. It has gotten a lot better over time, but those first few weeks were rough. Especially since I had a c-section again (with complications) I was out of commission for a while and couldn’t help out with the girls a ton. But with each week we get more adjusted to our new normal and just make it work! I wouldn’t have it any other way! So let me know, do you have twins? And if you do, were they your first pregnancy?